You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
