I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
