so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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