He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
