All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
