Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My liver just had a heart attack.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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