Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
