This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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