if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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