Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
