I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
