think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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