home. puking in laundry basket.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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