So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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