so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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