It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're like the curious george of whores
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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