Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
