I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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