Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
