i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
