i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Are we still banned from the library?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
