This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
