i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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