We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
