Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
