I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
