My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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