My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
