Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
