I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just come out here and I will go home with you...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
