the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
