What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
