It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
