Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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