Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
