we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
