Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
