captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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