He passed out mid-signature
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
