I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
