Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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