Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
