she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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