i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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