Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
