STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
