some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
