Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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