I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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