After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
