we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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